There are some books that stay with you forever. "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie is one of those books for me. Truth is, I bought this book when I was struggling with a board of directors, but didn't read it until many years later.
Fresh out of Texas A&M, I was selected by AT&T for their Retail Sales Leadership Development Program in Atlanta, GA. It was the first year of the program, aimed at training new college graduates to become leaders in their retail structure, starting as store managers. The program was rigorous. We were trained to be the best of the best managers and the future leadership of the company. The training encompassed everything from sales, leadership, management, systems, technology, and more. We were trained by the best trainers, and had many opportunities to interact with the executives in this Fortune 10 company. Unbeknownst to me, I was being introduced to many of the teachings in Carnegie's book.
At the time, I was too young to fully appreciate all the training I received. After my first son was born, I left AT&T, but the lessons I learned stayed with me. It wasn't until I was removed from the corporate world that I realized not everyone had the opportunity to learn what I was taught during my seven years at AT&T. I learned what seemed like common sense.....wasn't so common. This realization was part of the reason I started B.O.S.S.. I wanted to help people with their dreams and businesses by sharing what I learned. I wanted my teachings to be accessible to anyone that was interested. That is why I recommend this book. With prioritizing your learning and reading this book with an open mind you too can have this knowledge.
Dale Carnegie's book resonated deeply with me because it encapsulates the essence of dealing with people, which is crucial for any business (or just being a decent human being!). Here are a few the principals this book teaches:
Don't Criticize, Condemn, or Complain: This simple yet powerful principle reminds us to be empathetic and understanding. In business, this translates to building positive relationships with customers and employees. Learn the power of grace with other people.
Give Honest and Sincere Appreciation: Carnegie teaches the importance of recognizing and appreciating the efforts of others. This can significantly boost morale and loyalty within your team or your customers. Everyone desires to be important- make your customer and your team feel that way. One of my favorite quotes in this chapter is "Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him." YES! I try to keep this in mind with any interaction I have with someone.
Arouse in the Other Person an Eager Want: Understanding what others want and aligning it with your goals is key to influencing and motivating them. You can't make people do what you want, they will only do what they want to do.
Become Genuinely Interested in Other People: Building genuine relationships is at the heart of any successful business. Show interest in your customers' and employees' lives and needs. Key here is to be genuine. People can smell the B.S., fluff, and lies. (Think slimy used car salesman vibes like Harry Wormwood from Matilda).
Smile: Why does this seem so hard for some people? A simple smile can go a long way in creating a positive atmosphere and making others feel comfortable and valued. It is the best way to make a good first impression. Even if you are not in front of someone, you can hear a smile on the phone. And yes, it can be hard to smile sometimes. We all have our burdens we carry (that's were the empathy and grace comes in). Carnegie writes, "Everybody in the world is seeking happiness- and there is one sure way to find it. That is by controlling your thoughts. Happiness doesn't depend on outward conditions. It depends on inner conditions."
Remember that a Person's Name is to That Person the Sweetest and Most Important Sound: I get in the habit of doing this all the time. Doesn't matter if I am talking to a customer, a waiter, or a customer service rep. A persons name is the MOST IMPORTANT word to them and an easy way to make a person feel valued. Personalizing interactions by remembering and using people's names can make a significant difference in how they perceive you. Even if you forget a person's name, its okay to ask again- because it shows you care enough to ask and try.
Be a Good Listener. Encourage Others to Talk About Themselves: Active listening is a critical skill in business. It helps you understand your customers' needs and fosters stronger relationships. Ask questions of them. Next party or gathering you go to, I encourage you to just ask questions of someone. Don't talk about yourself but a little bit to relate. And I bet you they will walk away from the interaction thinking you are the most interesting person in the room.
If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically. Ever meet that person that nothing is ever their fault? They always find a way to blame others. That person comes off as fake and narcissistic. You end up not wanting to do business with those people. Now narcissism is an extreme case but, it is hard to admit mistakes for many people. We all hate to be wrong. We think that it makes us look stupid, weak, or careless. But the truth is, we are all human. We all make mistakes. And when we admit those mistakes, it makes us genuine and relatable. Own your mistakes. You messed up a customer's order? Own it! You missed the deadline? Own it! You lost the paperwork? Own it! But then, find a way to make it right.
These teachings are at the core of any successful business because, ultimately, all businesses revolve around people. It doesn't matter how good your marketing is if you don't know how to treat people.
"How to Win Friends and Influence People" should be on every business owner's reading list. Heck, it should be on everyone's reading list. It's not just about winning friends or influencing people; it's about understanding and valuing human connections. This book has been a guiding light for me in my journey, and I hope it can be for you too. Whether you're a seasoned entrepreneur or just starting, the principles in this book can help you build a business that's not only successful but also meaningful and fulfilling.
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